I sense you there
Hiding in my bilge
Shivering, hungry and utterly rejected
Your hidden presence
Causes pain and shame
Gives me nightmares
So naturally I hate you
Try to forget you
Wish you would die
While you find devious ways
To create explosions
Forcing my attention
You cling to life
Manipulating my ship
Into stormy seas
I have no option
But to guarantee your safety
And invite you on deck
To nourish you
Learn your story
And embrace you
Till you become
A shipmate and ally
With a home in my heart
Stefan Freedman. Mexico, 10th January 2025
This poem describes my lived experience. As in the saying ‘What you resist persists.’ I recently got clarity that the chronic pain I have lived with all my life represents a part of myself that felt discarded in infancy and is forever seeking love and inclusion. I have often found this needy part of me inconvenient, embarrassing and in conflict with the way I like to see myself. Recently it has become clear that the best - and only - way to be released from the internal clamour is to welcome home this hurt part with abundant and unconditional love.
The ‘inner work’ of embracing an orphaned aspect of myself has parallels in society. Any group who experience being marginalised, hated, exiled or threatened becomes - very understandably - reactive, defensive and at some point aggressive. Trust is lost and entrenched conflicts harden. Yesterday’s victims become today’s oppressors and the cycle of blame and pain continues.
It’s incredibly hard to embrace with love a person or group who is inflicting pain on you but in truth almost every surviving group is both victim and persecutor.
How may we move on from our exhausting, repetitive and destructive human history of blame, persecution and violence? The first step is to take a fearless look in the mirror and notice our enemy’s face in our own feelings and behaviour. Then begins the delicate and skilful dance of rebuilding trust and cooperation among adversarial groups and nations.
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